End Troubled Love Now Easily, Painlessly, Permanently
If you’ve been through a bad breakup or you are now in a rotten
relationship, the idea of carefree happiness is probably about as alien
as that ship that they say crashed at Roswell. Yet, I have seen people
make that transition over and over again. You do not have to live with a
broken heart. You can start to mend your broken heart today. And it
does not take 30 years of Freudian Analysis or tons of money. It happens
in two to five short hours. I know that sounds unbelievable, so I am
going to reveal some secrets that will allow you to believe this now.
First of all, how do you know to experience emotional pain? I know
that is an odd question, but it is a question that can open your door to
true happiness. While you mull over that question, let me ask you
another one—perhaps, an even stranger one. How did you know to be you
when you woke up this morning? As odd as that question sounds, I am
quite serious in asking it. There are people who do not know who they
are when they wake up. My mother spent the last five or six years of her
life battling advanced Alzheimers Disease. To the best of my knowledge,
she did not have a clue who she was during those years.
We know who we are because we have gone through a series of events in
our lives. Our unconscious minds (or subconscious, if you prefer)
collects the memories of those events and organizes them. That is how we
know that we like Cherry Coke, but dislike butterscotch. We like blue
skies, but dislike rain showers.
Different flavors of food and weather
conditions have no meaning other than the ones that we attach to them
because of experiences that we have with them over the years. All of us
human beings do this. Oh, you may not be aware of it. That is because it
is a subconscious process. Well, what do you think the word
“subconscious” means? It means out of awareness. That’s all.
Think of all the other things your subconscious is doing—that you are
not aware of, at least, not yet—causing your heart to beat, your lungs
to breathe, your stomach to digest—and the list just goes on and on.
Naturally, you are not aware of these things until someone calls them to
your attention. In fact, you would go nuts if you sat around all day
just thinking about your heart beating or trying to feel what is going
on in your stomach as you digest food. In general, your subconscious
mind takes very good care of you—something that poor old Freud just
didn’t understand. Just because you are not aware of these things does
not mean that they are not happening. The word “automatic” could be used
here.
Your unconscious (or subconscious) mind does a lot more for you that
you are not aware of, too. You can think of it like a computer that runs
a program over and over again, until a new program is called up. My
preference, though, is to think of it as a small child within. Have you
spent time around small children, say five- or six-year-olds? They are
honest, sincere and loving, but most of all they almost always have the
highest intentions. That is not to say that their behavior is perfect—it
can drive you nuts, just ask any stay-at-home parent. But their
intention is always loving and wonderful. That is just how your
subconscious mind works—boy, did Freud ever miss the boat on that one!
Once I show you how to communicate with your subconscious, your life
will be very, very different.
Your subconscious mind uses three main “languages” to process
information and make sense out of your “reality.” First, there are
pictures. Everyone makes up pictures inside their head. Again, you may
or may not be aware of these pictures, but they are there nonetheless. I
wish I had a nickel for every time someone has told me, “Oh, I can’t
visualize.” Nonsense! You may not be aware of it, or your pictures may
be fuzzy, or they may be in and out of your mind rapidly—but you do make
up pictures inside your head. Pictures carry a lot of information, and
the processing is rapid. What kind of pictures are you making about your
situation?
Your second internal language is sound. Just listen to yourself when
you think about your love life. Are you sighing or groaning on the
inside? And what kind of internal dialogue do you run? What kind of
words are you saying to yourself? More importantly, what is the tonal
quality of those internal voices? By the way, the idiotic idea that
internal dialogue and talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness
was dismissed long ago. It is perfectly normal activity, but the
structure and process of it may not be very helpful. The more you
recognize and take charge of the internal voices, the more power you
gain over your emotions.
The third way we humans process information at the subconscious level
is through feelings in the body. Men talk about having “gut feelings,”
while women use their “female intuition.” What kinds of physical
sensations do you get when you think about him/her? Is there a heaviness
in the chest? A “pit” in your stomach? What about tension in your neck
and shoulders? As you begin to realize you have control over these
sensations, you will automatically gain control over your emotions.
Take a minute and play a little game with me. Read through this
paragraph, and then STOP. Now, do what I am telling you to do. Then,
read the next paragraph. Just hold both hands out straight. Turn your
right palm down and your left palm up. Now close your eyes and picture
five (5) big red bricks in your left hand and twenty helium balloons
tied to your right wrist. Hear the balloons moving in the breeze. Tell
yourself how heavy the bricks are. Feel the grit of the brick in your
left hand as the balloons continue to tug up on your right wrist. Hold
onto these images, sounds and feelings for about 30 seconds. Notice how
heavy the bricks are, and listen to the balloons flapping.
So, what happened. Did your hands move at all. Is there any
difference in their positions? Is the right hand now higher than the
left? If so, you just had a physical reaction to the pictures, words or
feelings in your mind. How long did you do it? Thirty seconds? What if
you did it all day long? Guess what. If you have been obsessing on your
relationship for six weeks or six months, it is affecting you and your
body. When will you decide to STOP?
Now, back to the emotions. What is the source of your emotions—the
conscious or the subconscious mind? Think back to a time when you fell
in love. Did you wake up on a Tuesday morning and say to yourself, “I’m
going to go out and find somebody to fall in love with today. Let’s see,
I’ve tried jerks and losers already. What about a slob? Yep, that’s it.
I’m going to go find a slob and fall in love with them today.” Is that
how it happened? I don’t think so. It was sort of magical, wasn’t it?
And it seemed to just happen—maybe very quickly or maybe it took a
while. And it seemed—dare I say it—”automatic,” didn’t it? That is
because the process of falling in love is carried out in the
subconscious mind. And almost everyone believes that they have little
control over their emotions, because they are not aware of the process
that creates them.
But the more you understand that it is a process, albeit a
subconscious one, then the more you realize that you can change it. And
there is more to it, too, that can be used for an instrument of rapid
change.
Think about a single memory that you have. What you are consciously
aware of, most likely, is simply the content. You know, the plot
line—what happened—who said what—and so on. But there is a lot more
going on in that memory—the subconscious parts. You may not know that
each memory has four components to it: the content, the process that we
use to “run” it, the structure, and the context that brings it up. And
it is the latter three of these components that give your memory its
meaning.
Think about the guys that went to Viet Nam. Virtually everyone over
there went through hell. They saw things that no human being should ever
have to see. What happened when they came home? Well, since they saw
very similar things, the content of the memories would be pretty
similar. So, if content really is as important as the Freudians have
claimed it to be, they should have all reacted in similar ways. Not so.
Tom Monohan started Domino’s Pizza. John McCain became a US Senator and
Presidential candidate. But Bob and Bill and Fred became drug addicts.
The real difference? How they structured their memories and how they
process them in their minds. As you now realize the significance of
this, you will begin to see how you can gain control of your own life
again.
Everyone in our society is trained to focus on the content of a
memory. And the therapy industry tells us that we need to analyze our
problems. In other words, use your conscious mind to mull on the content
of your memories over and over again. Where does that get you? Well,
after you do it for a couple of years or maybe 20 years, you can go to a
cocktail part and bore everyone to death telling them how you can’t
have a stable relationship because your mean mother refused to buy you a
puppy when you were six. Chances are, you will still have your problem.
But you may have learned to accommodate yourself to it. What is wrong
with this picture?
But when you work on the structure and process of memory directly,
the outcome is very different. Chances are, that you won’t be able to
explain to your friends exactly what happened and what changed. Because
you change the structure and process of the memories, you change the
meaning. Because the meaning changes, the emotions change. The more you
erase negative emotions, the more life opens itself up to all sorts of
possibilities.
So, people often ask if this is therapy. I always say, “Absolutely
not!” I am a hypnotist and NeuroLinguistic Programmer. That is all I do.
But clients say the changes in their lives are therapeutic.
You are the one who changes your life for the better. I do not “do”
anything to you. I’m just a guide showing you a new path to take. The
more you apply the techniques I show you, the greater the change in your
life.
Being the parent of a teen with emotional or behavioral problems adds
new challenges to the already difficult task of raising a child through
the adolescent years. Teens become troubled for a number of reasons and
when this happens parents are forced to learn new strategies for daily
survival, while at the same time figuring out how to navigate solutions
for helping their teen heal.
